The Guidelines

Ladies and gentlemen, Dear Boys and Girls,

http://500px.com/nothingtoloose

What I’ll be saying in next few lines is known by us all.

The Known Thing:

We live in a world where global warming has become a normal thing (DUH!). 

We live in a universe where, we believe, we are the most intelligent creatures (Screw you aliens this is our territory and we’ll mark it by peeing all over it)

We live in a country where we do all random nonsense and say chalta hai yaar!!! We live in a stressful environment. Our frustration level has gone very high.

And (The Common Thing)

1) Dorky boyfriends, nagging girlfriends, lazy-retard farting husbands and raktpipasu wives

2) Devastating Bosses, fun-less Professors

3) Ungrateful Neighbors, ossified shopkeepers and sabji-wales

4) Understanding and smart leaders (hope I cracked you guys up)

Above mentioned people with few other fellas and circumstances has made our life terrible. And this awfulness makes us fight with our close and loved ones.

We all normally hate fighting, arguing et cetera.

So I’ve come up with few guidelines. And to be very honest these guidelines has got nothing to end fights or scuffles or to bring serenity.

All you have to do is to follow these guidelines while fighting with your loved as the statistics say we fight with people who are close to us.

For all the padhe-likhe and sane people these Guidelines will help to reduce the damaging effects of these fights/scuffles/arguments. 

The Guidelines

1) Drink a hell lot of water before a fight starts.

2) Don't stand up while arguing.

3) No finger pointing while arguing

4) No Slangs and angry hand gestures during such fights.

5) In case of any slangs or angry hand gestures used; compensate it with gangnam style!!

6) One can shout for only two minutes post that he/she will have to wait for the next fifteen minutes to shout again.

7) No mummy-papa ko phone calls in fact no phone calls.

8) No involvement of third entity.

9) No use of “silence” for avoiding people plus no storming away.

10) No nose picking during the fight.

11) No office work during the fight.

12) No use of metaphors.

13) No “commando training” show-off meanwhile fighting.

14) No bakch*di while fighting.

15) If one person is trying to avoid the fight by saying I love you its compulsory for the next person to say I love you too or else if he/she is still willing to fight he/she will have to compensate with a kiss to carry on fight.

* In case of two male (bros) fighting use a bro-hug instead of kiss

** In case of two females fighting PLEASE POST THE PICTURES ONLINE!!!

P.S. In case fighting with your arch-enemy, make sure to give your best shot.

P.P.S. rahiman dhaga prem ka matt todo chhitkay; toote se phir na jure - jure ganth padh jaaye!!!

Copyright,  © Jayendra Dubey, 23rd May , 2013

Image Copyright,  © Manish Goel, 19th March, 2013