A confession
Take it as a confession - I started smoking a long way back . I’m not going to give any justification for those but, just, want to share a small incidence with you people.
.
I was asked “Kaunsi?”...
I couldn't react primarily to the
question ‘coz I didn’t understood what I was being asked for and secondly ‘coz I
wanted to pretend that I was one of those cool smokers in this world who smoke
a pack or two on a daily basis and also This ‘kaunsi’ reminded me a hell of
things, I didn’t asked for any problem, I didn't asked for any misery, I didn’t
asked my math teacher to fail me in the exam, I didn’t asked the girl whom I liked
to chose someone else over me, I din’t asked my friend to fight with any
teacher and to break his head and to get us expelled.
... In the pursuit of pretentious
behaviour I stood there in front of the person who was selling cigarettes...
I was asked again “Re kaun si re?”...
Now I was pretty sure of what I was
being asked about but I wasn’t very confident about the answer that may keep my
pretentious character to stand out... It was easy – Isn’t it? You know so
many brands of cigarettes no matter you are a smoker or not...
Among several brand names I recalled
and said - “Choti Gold”...
Since beginning I’m not very good in vocabulary and
there, at that point of time every word I said I pictured myself as a“dumb” – It
seemed I was talking to myself.... And I just knew I wanted to smoke...
The person dressed in, I dunno how
old, dirtied whitish brown lungi, and filthy black gunji gave me a cigarette and a match box... I asked “kitne hue?”
to which the clumsy dark faced man replied “3 rs.” (Those were the days guys
when choti gold was of three rupees)...I took my wallet out and gave him a 10
rupee note and got a 5 rupee coin and two “centre fresh” in return...
I took the stuffs and started
walking... Obviously – though I din’t wanted to show that I was smoking first
time but again obviously – very obviously I did contradictory... I searched for
a safe place to smoke where no acquainted could see me doing what one
must not be doing by all standards – smoking... I went to railway station and
at the extreme right hand corner of last platform was an empty bench and I sat
there. I knew it’s not good but besides my primary knowledge I also knew the
fact that “being good wasn't a good thing anymore”... The thought was
strong enough to make my finger push the container box of match box...
“Chissss” and the stick were on
fire... I lit the cigarette’s end to put an end to my misery...
“Garbage in and nothing out- may be
garbage remained inside”...
Yes I smoked... If you ask me how it
was... Well, I can only say that did that, I smoked... Every puff that I took
in and out was different... but I felt nothing... Nothing at all... I didn’t
cough... My eyes didn’t turn red...
Towards the end when I took the last
“puff” I felt that it was almost over and it was hot... I threw it on the moist
platform and trampled it with my shining black shoes... I knew it ended...
But there could be no end to the
misery of one’s life...But actually smoking ‘is’ the beginning of an ‘end’...
Smoking is a process that will end smoker one day but not his miseries… running
away from miseries and smoking or boozing on a platform or at a road side dhaba
or in parking lot or at any theka will never ever give you solutions for your miseries but one
day it will leave you with nothing but pain, deep inside, and now, physical
too.
Now, it has been around two month
since I smoked and when I think about those days, I laugh. Way back then those
small pity issues looked so ‘defying’. Wait in life to get things happen,
change, cured.
Misery has a “y” at its end...
Happy has a “y” at its end...
Happy has a “y” at its end...
And we can never have answers for every ‘y’ of our lives. All
we can do is to believe in good, do good, live life healthier.
As there is a saying in Hindi "स्वस्त तन में स्वत्च मन का वास होता है "
P.S : Dear “LIFE” I feel like giving you a hug.
Copyright, © Jayendra Dubey, 1st Mar , 2012
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